Lets start from the beginning (sorta)...
My son was born August 11th 2010 and after an amazing pregnancy, I had a rough time after he was born. I was diagnosed with pretty severe post partum depression. I never once had a bad thought towards my baby boy and never ever even thought about hurting him. I simply had issues with myself. I had a wonderful support system but still felt so alone. It was just a combination of me missing my pregnancy & not being happy with how i was handling everything. I just assumed that once he was born, it would just be the next awesome chapter in our lives and when it wasn't that easy for me it was hard for me not to blame myself.
My doctor put me on medication (zoloft & xanax) and it never did help me. It just made things worse and I eventually weaned myself off of them.
I got a job working for my OB when my son was 3 months old thinking maybe I just needed to get out of the house more. Although the extra money was nice, I felt worse than ever. I felt so guilty that I was choosing to be away from my baby boy for most of the day. I started self medicating and started drinking a lot. Pretty much everyday. I hated it. I hated myself for it. I ended up quitting my job and sunk back down into the same blah that I had allowed to become my life. I knew it wasn't fair to my fiance or my little boy but I couldn't help it. It was a horrible cycle that seemed to be never ending!
Then one day I randomly found some ribbon and buttons in my Mom's scrap-booking drawer and for some reason I was immediately drawn to the idea of making hair bows. That is so hard to explain too, because if you know me personally, you know that I have always been anything but "girly" and I didn't even have a daughter to make them for! I got a needle & thread and started messing around with it. It was so incredibly therapeutic for me. It gave me something new to focus on and gave my mind a break from the negative thoughts that used to surface. In a weeks time after working on bows, I noticed a hug difference in the way I felt and acted. Other people noticed too. I felt more refreshed, slept better and was a completely different mother & fiance. The difference was night and day! I started really enjoying being a mother and spending time with my baby. I would just look at him sometimes, and wonder how I got so lucky to have him in my life.
I decided to keep going with it and used my last check from my previous job and went to Hobby Lobby when their ribbon was half off and invested $100 worth of ribbon, a glue gun, glue sticks & clips. Every bow got just a little bit better and made me feel like a different person, in a great way! One day, I noticed I hadn't had a drink in a few weeks and didn't miss it at all. So that was the end of that!
I started selling them to some of my Mom's friends and even to some of the ladies in my due date group on CafeMom (they were all so supportive of me and I could not have gotten so far without them all).
I am not super religious, but I do wonder a lot what caused me to start that journey, at that specific time. It saved me, it really did! I was headed down a terrible/lonely path and crafting changed me into the person I desperately wanted to be all along! A happy person! I am now a super-happy SAHM (with a little bow business on the side) and a loving mother that is so very thankful for all the blessings in her life!
I tried to keep it short and give the basics to the story. I hope it all made sense.
The first bow I made that started all the happiness! It was sad,
crooked & loose but special to me :) I still have it...
